he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
