and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
