You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Two words: blizzard sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
