i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
