he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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