Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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