Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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