make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
