Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
