she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize