Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
