I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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