i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
