I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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