a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
