I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
