Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
be right there i have to get my cape
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
