Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
