No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
