Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
