I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize