she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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