We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
