weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My feet surprised me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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