I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
