I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
accomplished twins. life is a go
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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