dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
