you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
