I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
