ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
