he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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