i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
