Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
