The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize