I think my vagina is haunted
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
