Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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