i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize