I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
