Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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