I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
