I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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