New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
