I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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