Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
