I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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