I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
