Your face is a jimmy john
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
