I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize