roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
