should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
