I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
