Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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