she looked like the bat from fern gully.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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