Christians are straight up FREAKS
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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