and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
