She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize