Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
