if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
