meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
