Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
