hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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