I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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