Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
