that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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