I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she smelled like a LAN party
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
