She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
